Relating to Others

The ontological work offers new ways of interpreting old concerns. Much of my work for over twenty years as a coach ultimately found its way to ideas about how we relate to each other. Indeed I can confidently say that people always pointed to other people as the source of their issues. I offer these short articles as a means of inviting you to think about how they might help you explore similar issues in your life.

yes-no
An Inappropriate "Yes"
“One-half the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough.” … Josh Billings (1818-1885) US writer How many requests do you get...
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handshake
Creating Accountability
“Life is not accountable to us. We are accountable to life.” … Denis Waitley (1933 – ) US Navy pilot & motivational speaker For a detailed discussion on accountability, read ‘Accountability,...
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I-Shouldnt-have-to-ask
I Shouldn't Have To Ask
“Half the promises people say were never kept, were never made.” … Edgar Watson Howe (1853 – 1937) US editor, novelist, humorist, essayist Have you ever heard someone in their frustration...
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identity
Identity Matters
We all have our opinions about the other human beings we know. As our opinions orient us in life, our view of others and their views of us play a critical part in what is possible and what we...
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Right-and-Wrong
Who is Right, Who is Wrong?
How many disagreements did you have today? Bet you had more than one. It might have been an out and out shouting match, a healthy debate or just an unspoken conversation. Disagreeing with others...
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Safe-Place
Is the World a Safe Place?
“Liberty is always dangerous, but it is the safest thing we have.” … Harry Emerson Fosdick (1878 – 1969) US clergyman Here’s a question for you. Do you feel that the world is...
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Coaching-Space
The Coaching Space
Ontological coaching is not about compelling people to act in different ways but about creating spaces for them in which they can choose to move differently. There are many parallels between...
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resentment
Resentment and Acceptance
Resentment is one of the most prevalent moods that I have encountered in my work as a coach. The impact of this mood cannot be understated. It has a major damaging effect on someone’s outlook...
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Why-Why-Why
WHY, WHY, WHY?
“I keep six honest serving-men (They taught me all I knew); Their names are What and Why and When And How and Where and Who.” … Rudyard Kipling (1865 – 1936), “The Elephant’s...
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Control-Myth
The Control Myth
“You have no control over what the other guy does. You only have control over what you do.” … A. J. Kitt Most people seek control in their lives. Indeed for many it is a major compulsion that...
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when-conflict-appears
When Conflict Appears
We all have disagreements with other people. It is an inescapable and natural consequence of our unique beingness that everyone else will have different opinions to us. This is a valuable, albeit...
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relationship-stories
Relationship Stories
“The majority of people in every culture invest their lives in projects that are defined by their society. They pay attention to what others pay attention to, they experience what others experience....
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The-Authority-Dynamic
The Authority Dynamic
“It is only in our decisions that we are important.” … Jean-Paul Sartre (1905 – 1980) French author and dramatist A major aspect of my philosophy involves the continuous yet momentary experience...
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The-Opinions-of-Others
The Opinion of Others
We are constantly inundated with others’ opinions. They are there in our conversations, our entertainment, on billboards, in newspapers and on the Internet. The advent of social media has...
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Paradox-of-Communication
The Paradox of Communication
For years technology companies have spent a lot of money telling us smart phones, computers and so on are the answer to our communication problems. In more recent times, social media gateways...
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two-girls-in-conversation
Public and Private Conversations
We are all aware of the conversations we have with others. It is obvious when we speak and we hear what others say to us. However, do you realise whenever we have a conversation with another...
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