Conversations

Like many things we do in life, we have learnt how to have conversations simply by observing and engaging with others. In general, we are not taught how to have effective conversations with others to address our or their concerns. Indeed, most people would not see conversational practice as something to learn other than in specific instances such as negotiating, dealing with conflict or giving feedback. Yet there is a flow of certain types of conversations that can be effectively used to address our own concerns and that of others. Central to our conversations is the importance of listening and speaking.

These notes introduce some of the main concepts used in this approach about communication and more effective conversational practice.

They do not offer a full explanation of these principles rather they provide a basic understanding of what is involved.

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Communication, Listening and Speaking

In his book, ‘The Good Listener’, Hugh Mackay termed this approach to communication the ‘injection myth’. “The ‘injection myth’ treats messages rather like drugs which act on other people’s...

The Phenomenon of Listening

This approach is based on a new understanding of language where language is seen as action. This interpretation provides us with a new way of looking at the phenomenon of listening. J.L.Austin,...

Effective Listening and Speaking

What does it take to be a good listener? I have touched on what we can listen for such as the various linguistic actions and others’ concerns. However, we can also look at how we can engage in...

Effective Conversations

Like many things we do in life, we have learnt how to have conversations simply by observing and engaging with others. In general, we are not taught how to have effective conversations with others...

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Public and Private Conversations

Before exploring conversations in more depth, there is an important distinction to be made between what are termed ‘public conversations’ and ‘private conversations’. As you would be...

Descriptive Conversations

Addresses: What is going on Involves: Assertions, Assessments and declarations to agree common understanding Purpose: Create context, understand breakdown and build robust story Desired...

Speculative Conversations

Addresses: What we/I could do Involves: Possible Declarations, Assessments and Assertions for grounding assessments Purpose: Develop new possibilities, shift emotional state, define what...

Declaration of Action

Addresses: What we/I will do Involves: Declaration Purpose: Commit to what to do – outcome and actions Desired Outcome: Valid declaration Optimal Mood: Ambition At the...

Action Conversations

Addresses: How we will do it Involves: Declarations including requests, offers and promise; Assessments; and Assertions Purpose: Gain promises for action from others; Monitor performance...

Making a Request

Even though action conversations can begin with either a request or an offer, here I will focus on requests. The fundamental difference between the two lies in the role of the speaker and listener....

Responding to a Request

A request is made in the expectation that a promise will follow leading to effective action to address a breakdown. A promise is a declaration of commitment to action. When asked to do something,...

Performing a Promise

A promise is a commitment to future action and always involves a risk that something may happen to preclude it being performed. For instance, a promise could be made based on an expectation of...

Assessing a Promise

The final phase of the cycle is an assessment of the outcome of the promise. This closes the loop and ensures the breakdown has been appropriately addressed or, if not, redressed. By...

The Ongoing Conversation

Although some of our conversations are with people we will not meet again, the majority are with those who will play a continuing role in our lives. It is useful to appreciate the intimate connection...