Conversations

Although some of our conversations are with people we will not meet again, the majority are with those who will play a continuing role in our lives. It is useful to appreciate the intimate connection between our relationships with others and the conversations we have with them. Simply put, we can assess how we relate […]

The final phase of the cycle is an assessment of the outcome of the promise. This closes the loop and ensures the breakdown has been appropriately addressed or, if not, redressed.  By assessing the outcome of a commitment, we can let others know immediately whether they have done as we asked. Sharing assessments of the

A promise is a commitment to future action and always involves a risk that something may happen to preclude it being performed. For instance, a promise could be made based on an expectation of another promise being fulfilled. If the first promise is not completed, then other commitments may suffer. There is nothing extraordinary here;

A request is made in the expectation that a promise will follow leading to effective action to address a breakdown. A promise is a declaration of commitment to action. When asked to do something, there are FIVE legitimate responses, however only one, a clear declaration of acceptance of the request creates a promise. This takes

Even though action conversations can begin with either a request or an offer, here I will focus on requests. The fundamental difference between the two lies in the role of the speaker and listener. For a request, something is missing for the speaker and they seek assistance. For an offer, the speaker sees something missing

Addresses: How we will do it Involves: Declarations including requests, offers and promise; Assessments; and Assertions Purpose: Gain promises for action from others; Monitor performance and adjust expectations if needed; Achieve outcomes Desired Outcome: Commitment and resolution of breakdown Optimal Mood: Ambition Having decided what is required to address a breakdown, we may also decide

Addresses: What we/I will do Involves: Declaration Purpose: Commit to what to do – outcome and actions Desired Outcome: Valid declaration  Optimal Mood: Ambition At the end of an effective speculative conversation, ideally there are one or a few viable options that would resolve the breakdown. There can be no progress from this point until

Addresses: What we/I could do Involves: Possible Declarations, Assessments and Assertions for grounding assessments Purpose: Develop new possibilities, shift emotional state, define what might be achievable  Desired Outcome: Viable options Optimal Mood: Curiosity Any breakdown has the potential to transform our interpretation of what is possible and expand or contract our ‘space of possibilities’. However,

Addresses: What is going on Involves: Assertions, Assessments and declarations to agree common understanding Purpose: Create context, understand breakdown and build robust story Desired Outcome: Shared and grounded understanding Optimal Mood: Acceptance When someone declares a breakdown identifying some concern they want addressed, they generally seek to open up a conversational process to address that

Before exploring conversations in more depth, there is an important distinction to be made between what are termed ‘public conversations’ and ‘private conversations’.  As you would be aware, each of us is in an ongoing conversation with ourselves. This is our ‘private conversation’ and it remains private until we choose to share it with others.